This is the first chapter of the memoir I am writing about a spiritual life journey to solve a mystery – one we all long to solve.
Chapter 1 – DISAPPEARANCE
Why do I feel a tingle in my tummy today? The sun is shining so everything must be OK. Everything was normal when we had breakfast in the dining hall. All the other kids sang their usual songs in German that I didn’t understand. By now they are off on the walks they all take across the bridge into that little town singing again the whole way. I’m walking toward a new hill and stop to look back at the lodge and try to imagine the snow and the skiers who come to live here in winter. I like it now in summer with all the cute flowers and the sunshine. And I can wear my shorts too!
I’m walking up another mountain path and there are no clouds, only the big blue above me! Blue – my favorite color besides green! It’s especially warm today. This path on this hill is more curvy than the one yesterday. The trees are so high! They get taller and taller the higher I get on the hill. I’m happy that they lead the way and make a neat road for me. Their green dresses kind of tell me that today also, there will be fairies to find. And sure enough, I look to the side and see moving light around a group of yellow flowers. Today the fairies are lavender and their light makes the yellow flowers seem almost pink, especially if you look at them in a certain way.
I’m remembering the different looking fairies that I see when taking a shower at home. Those are almost always pink and they are like dancing dolls swirling around the water. They love water and they love fun! I know that for sure! I feel the smile on my face just like always when I think of my friends, the fairies.
I’m walking up the hill and now there is a clearing in the forest on my right. It’s almost perfectly circular! Wow! The circle is full of small yellow flowers like faces peeking out at me from such thick grass. I’m really excited. But also I feel nervous – why? Fairies are all around and they are my friends.
I’m wondering what would happen if I went to the center of the circle and lay down with all the fairies. There must be a hundred of them! No! a thousand at least!
I step but very carefully into the circle. I feel the soft kind of damp grass on the part of my feet not covered by my sandals. The center of the circle seems like magic – like I’m in a huge church or something. I am laying down now with the grass and flowers. I look around and the tall trees are all around me and the fairies. It’s like the sides of a cradle. Will I sleep with the fairies? My eyes are closing and it’s such a nice feeling to be here. So sweet – yes! That’s the word for it. My arms go up above my head to touch more fairies and flowers and feel how soft they are.
I open my eyes and I see or maybe feel that my body is spreading out to be the grasses, and even all the fairies too! Am I also the fairies? Am I the grass? The field!! I’m spreading out further and now my body is the tree trunks! Then I stretch up and up and up the trees and now I’m all of the forest. The forest that is me looks up and there is flash and I’m the blue sky.
And now there is another more huge flash. And now, and now….only now…. There is only everything. Everything that ever could be. Everything! – ALL of it! Everything that was ever, ever made is going out from something – me! But there is no me. There are no legs, no arms, no fairies even. There is nothing except everything –everything all at once. No time, only everything all happening at once. Wow – everything just now.
No seeing, no hearing, those are such little things. Everything is like power – like knowing everything, it is like feeling everything. Yes mainly feeling – it is fun, it is excitement, it is happy, it is adventure. It’s like everything you can feel is just one feeling. Love. Huge power – HUGE love. this love is throwing out itself to become everything for fun. for games, for playing. It’s like it wants to feel other stuff too! And light! No. not light, but something even more than that.
………
On a beautiful day in 1955, at a children’s summer camp near Trefis, Germany, a 9-year old girl disappeared and was no more. She left that little something people called Janice, and became —everything.
What a beautiful story Janice. I can feel your total connection to all that is. Mainly I feel you becoming the essence of Love.
Thank you for sharing this dear friend!
Gretchen
Powerful… You have beautifully described some of what I experienced following an MMR vaccine, at age 2, in 1956 … I didn’t find out until 2013 the entire story of what happened on this side of the veil, as no one was to talk about it. I got pneumonia, scarlet fever and mumps all at once, temperature soared to 109 and the body was put on life support in a coma for 2 weeks. I have attempted to finish writing my story for over 30 years. Now you have inspired me to do just that. Thank you.
Thank you, Susan. It is wonderful we share the same experience – it is the experience of what we really are as one with all creation. I can’t wait to meet you soon on Zoom. I hope you write your story and soon. I will be working on the rest of the book beginning NOW as so many people want to read the rest of the story.
It will be all about life here but also how this experience informed my whole life.
Thanks for your lovely message.