Growing Up “Identical” – Janice Coyle

My experience as an identical twin brought incredible insights as to our nature as uniquely created beings and the advantage of knowing this Truth intimately.

“Identical twins” as you know, have identical DNA because only one fertilized egg splits into two separate developing embryos. Sharing the same DNA with my sister, would inform my life in ways I only now see. I would grow up experiencing uniquely intimate connection and love along with equally unique challenges.

In those days of the 1950s and 1960s, it was customary for twins to be given similar names. I was the first born by 12 minutes and was named Janice Lou. My sister was Janet Sue. Upon entry into this world, we were immediately given bead bracelets of different colors so the hospital staff and our parents could tell who was who. Moma felt the need to keep them on us for 9 months.

As expected in those times, we were dressed exactly alike every day until we were in our teens. Many people could not tell us apart. Interestingly, our playmates caught on to who was who more quickly than the adults! Our voices, chosen vocabulary, inflection and mannerisms were very similar.

Our immediate family knew there were differences but still regarded us as “the twins” and spoke of us that way, rarely mentioning one of the names, Janice or Janet.

Our mother was most proud of producing twins and would dress us up and take us out to show us off to everyone. Janet and I thought nothing of people staring at us all the time as that had been a constant from infancy. It did not add anything to confidence as you might expect. Instead, we were burdened by a sense of responsibility through being constantly watched.

We were always in the same class at school and I sat behind Janet every year as seating was arranged by alphabet. Differences between us were sometimes recognized by sensitive teachers and when that happened, I was thrilled.  But for the most part, being a twin meant that I was part of my sister – inseparable, undistinguishable – almost like we were one person instead of two:

Janet and I were 7 years old and it was Easter. Mama made us identical Easter dresses to wear at a traditional Easter pageant in the school auditorium where each little girl would model her dress. One of the mothers made paper-mache purses for each girl with a number on it.  Janet and I were given one purse with two handles and one number, and we went out together on stage. By that time, we were used to this but we didn’t like not having our own purse to take home like the other girls.

To most people being identical twins meant we were identical on the inside too: same interests, same talents, same thinking – same soul with two bodies it seemed. But, there were strong differences. Janet was very extroverted. I was quiet. When we were about 8 years old, Mama asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Janet immediately said she wanted to be an inventor. I said i wanted to be a saint.

Janet always loved science and grew up to be a mathematician/physicist and liked to dabble in art, music, horsemanship, travel and many lively adventures. I became a teacher, businesswoman, poet, writer and lived a relatively quiet life. We also shared many interests including sewing, cooking, gardening and spiritual studies; although even in these we had our separate ways.

So while our physical voices sounded identical, our inner voices and its expression were very different; and that made things confusing.  Janet and I both struggled to be “same” as life seemed to expect.

I was quiet, reflective and could not match Janet in sheer exuberance and sociability. I would try and try and watch myself fail over and over. Janet found my quietness strange and always wanted to “pull me out of my shell.” as she called it, and help me “get with it” and be more “alive” like she was.

On my part, I judged Janet as dangerously reckless and wild, engaging life with fire and abandon. My constant advice was to slow down and think and evaluate, then act.  In other words, be more like me!

Looking back I see someone who knew she would have a short life and wanted to experience everything she could in the short time she had. Today I honor her and admire her courage and passion. She achieved so much in so little time.

There were incredible gifts of twinness also. We loved each other in a very intimate way.  We could read each other’s thoughts and feel the other’s feelings even at a distance. Living sometimes hundreds of miles away from Janet, I would suddenly have an urge to call her and find she was also trying to call me. Hundreds of miles away we would have the same flu or cold on the exact same days.

All this was a grace that was both touching and confusing.  Are we half of one person, one soul?  The truth is we were two different souls with two different perspectives, two different natures. It confused others as well.

Janet wanted me to be happy, I wanted her to be happy. But together we were sometimes dissatisfied, together were expectations unmet. Being the same was alluringly attractive and comforting, while also frustratingly impossible.

In our twenties, we went our separate paths. Marrying young, attending separate colleges, living in different states, we each came to embody our own uniqueness and, as time went by, we began to look physically different as well. The psychic connection continued with the dual effects of loving connection and identity confusion. But, becoming more different had its consequences and frustrations resulting in arguments and misunderstanding, so intense, a painful estrangement lasting years was brought about mainly by me.

When we came back together after a long separation, everything was different. Without words, we utterly accepted each other’s life, ways and perceptions. There was only unconditional love and peace. We met as souls and there found connection beyond twinness, beyond everything. We both paid a high price for insight and wisdom about accepting and honoring and even wanting differences in another.

In 1992, Janet was terminally ill with cancer and a mutual friend asked me: “What do you think it will be like when you are no longer a twin?”  I was shocked and simply said “I will always be a twin.”  When Janet died in early 1993 at the young age of 46, I felt very strange as if I was not myself for a while – as if part of me had gone. It has been decades now, and Janet is still in many dreams as one of the characters in my adventures. And, just like always, her take on things is still different while being enjoyed and shared intimately.

What I now know is that I still am a twin, and this Janice-body will always be a twin. But, my soul is a separate being.  Upon reflection and study, I see that the inherent differences between us has its origin beyond body and mind and is independent of both nature and nurture.

Janet and I were born with the same DNA, same parents, same rearing atmosphere, same schools and same teachers until college. We wore the same clothes, had very similar growing up experiences, yet our interpretations and outer actions were different.

The truth is that our different perspectives expanded us both due to being shared so completely and ultimately accepted with so much love. What if we all could do this with each other? What expansions of our consciousness would result!

My own unique perspective, Janet’s own unique perspective, your own unique perspective is not duplicated anywhere in creation. We are each unique and no one who lives or ever has lived or ever will live has the same perspective as you or me or Janet or anyone else.

We are each different and unique expressions of Life.  There will never be another you. Why? Because as a center of consciousness, you specialize focus of the all-consciousness very specifically. So, you are meant to have just the experiences you have on behalf of the all of everything at any given moment.

It is a sacred thing – your uniqueness. Believe in it. Express it. Know that every other being is also necessarily unique.

I can tell you as an identical twin, I know you are unique. It is also obvious that the universe needs your uniqueness to complete itself.  And so, your uniqueness is valuable beyond measure. In being your true unique self, you expand consciousness itself and the perspective of all the rest of us.

We need YOU.

Thank you so much for reading this post. If you wish, please click this link and subscribe to my Janice Coyle: Awaken to Joy mailing list, which will include announcements, free access to my eBooks, chapters from my upcoming book and more. Love, Janice

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